Taking care of yourself and others

Leading change is not easy. Understanding and practicing the basics of self-care can make a big difference.

I think cats are here to remind us to take better care of ourselves. Photo by Anton Lochov / Unsplash

Leading change is not easy. Establishing self-care as a norm both at the personal and team level is crucial.

First things first:

❤️ If you or anyone you know is in crisis, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or dial 911 in case of emergency.

Call or text 988.
Chat 988lifeline.org.

In addition the Mental Health First Aid portal offers a complete list of mental health resources cataloged by type and situation.

Self care and team care must be top priorities for change leaders

Change leaders - individuals and teams - will often face challenges that prompt anxiety, fear of failure, frustration, loneliness or other negative experiences.

Leading change is not easy. Change can push you and others out of your comfort zones. Often those impacted by change may feel threatened, or feel uncertainty, anxiety over the unknowns, or a fear of being left behind. Sharp conflict, stonewalling and other forms of resistance or even sabotage can sometimes unfortunately occur - or at least feel like it's occurring.

Understanding and practicing the basics of self-care and resilience - and helping others do the same - can make a big difference.

This learning guide is not intended to serve as an exhaustive resource for mental and physical health, but rather to share a perspectives and resources that relate to scenarios frequently encountered by change leaders.

Make time to renew

Find something that re-energizes you, gives you renewal and helps you put things back into perspective. It will likely be different for different seasons of your life. At one season in my life it was surfing on Sunday afternoons. I'd look back at all the little tiny buildings back on my island - including the buildings I worked in - and think to myself "Nothing that happens in those little rectangles should ever have any bearing on my happiness. That was how I put things back into perspective back then. These days it's more likely to be cooking with my family, or taking a walk in the woods looking for birds. It could be reading, playing the guitar, quiet (or joyful) times in church. Whatever works for you. And teach others to make this a habit as well.

Managing your thoughts

Ruminating and overthinking - whether it's replaying past losses, embarrassments or humiliations, dwelling on your ex, or dwelling on good old days you wish hadn't ended, rumination takes us away from the opportunities and joys of the present. How to stop (here, and here).

Helpful vs non-helpful venting

Venting isn't always helpful - When you talk about something are you reinforcing negativity? or are you reframing it so you can move forward?

Venting that reinforces negativity, including anger or feelings of powerlessness only makes things worse.
Venting that reframes can be helpful: talking about something in a way that helps you arrive at a better understanding and broader perspective can help you set a constructive path for moving forward.

Questions that can help reframe

Recovery Village offers a handy set of questions you can use to help someone with social anxiety reframe a situation. As you'll see, these questions can be helpful for other scenarios where you want to reframe and connect to the bigger picture perspective:

What is the worst that could happen?
What is most likely going to happen?
What’s something good that could come out of this?
Have you ever felt like this before? You survived it last time.
If you look back at this situation years from now, what will you think about it?

Reframing can give you a fresh perspective and help you carry on. But sometimes taking care of yourself may mean considering whether to continue or whether to remove yourself from a specific scenario.

Deciding how much you can take

To be clear: sometimes taking care of yourself means removing yourself from a toxic situation. In some cases you need to do that. In other cases you may decide it's a chance to build your resilience. Only you can decide that. And how do you know? Well, it comes down to how you explain the situation to yourself.

Consider these two possible ways to explain the same situation:

"This is a volatile situation with big egos and a lot of negativity. They clearly don't appreciate me, and it seems like they don't even know what they want. I don't think it's healthy for me to spend my time and energy in this situation because there's not much likelihood that this is going to work out. I think my time and energy could be better spent elsewhere."
"This is a volatile situation with some big egos and a lot at stake, but I'm not going to take any of this personally, because I realize that what we all want is actually something that is worth all the risk and uncertainty. I'll do my best not to contribute to the volatility, and instead try to project positive good will and focus on the goal. I think this is going to be an experience that builds my resilience, plus if we pull this off, it will be an amazing achievement!"

These are BOTH legitimate ways to view a single situation. Notice in the first view, the person has recognized that this is a challenging situation, and has concluded that there likely is not any value to be gained from trying to continue working in this situation. In the second view, the person also acknowledges it's a challenging situation, but they are also seeing 2 important things that make the difference

There is something they'll gain or benefit from regardless of the behavior of others and regardless of the outcome (ie they said they'd gain resilience).
They also believe there is a chance of achieving an exceptional outcome in spite of the situational dynamics.

In one case the person is choosing to remove themselves from the situation because they conclude that it's not in their best interest and won't benefit them.

In the other case, the person chooses to stay in the situation because they believe they will benefit, and have a chance of being part of an unusual accomplishment. Notice that both of these views acknowledge the negative aspects of the situation - they don't gloss over or deny the reality that this is going to be a stressful challenging experience. Again, both are completely legitimate. You have the right (and the responsibility) to choose what is best for you.

💎 Life is a Tapestry - How to think about, accept, and thrive in your less than perfectly focused life.

💎 How to Shift from Anxiety-Driven Work to Intentional Work - When thinking about challenges, your next chapter, or any aspect of your work, use this insight to gain clarity about how you're spending your time, what you're focusing on the most, and where that's taking you.

💎 How the Open Palm Mindset gives you the power to pivot and leverage unexpected change to find next-level opportunities. A new way to think about and grow your resilience.

💎 Resetting the Bar - how to identify self-imposed limits that creep into our thinking, and then remove them. Includes a suggested exercise you can do to put this insight into action quickly and see results.

↗️ Next level: Remember how the S3T Change Leadershipship 201 series has 3 sets of learning segments: driving change at personal, organizational and macro levels? Well, the last few learning segments you just completed showed you how to activate Change Leadership on a personal or individual level. The next few segments will teach you how to activate Change Leadership at the team or organizational level.

Click here to go to the next set of learning segments: Know Talent vs Go Talent -

This learning segment shows you how to harness the 2 kinds of talent needed to successfully drive change. This helps you build change leadership skills in your team or organization, while ensuring an inclusive team culture.